Help explain her misunderstanding of being ‘brainwashed’? I can’t believe he has asked me this. None of these are natural. on his profile he stated that he wanted a second wife who was religous and was willing to have children yet he has never mentioned wanting to change me or to educate me about his salafi beliefs and he has also never expressed his desire for more children, on both counts i would be more than willing to oblige. I was very hurt that he wouldn’t be able to celebrate my milestone with me and asked if he couldn’t change his travel dates just that once. However, I can’t accept this. I want to know if I can add a special condition in my marriage contract in the event my husband decides to take a second wife without my consent. They need to give up their friends, family, festivals and most of their way of life. i am experiencing a great dilemma at the moment as my husband wishes to take a second wife. Life after Marriage. We need more muslim women like this. Think of your children and how they handle it. However, I can’t accept this. Aslaam a lakum. caused by the fallout from your husband’s first marriage. The muhadditheen have debated this issue of the amount of huurs a jannati will get in Jannah. i want to take this plat form to solve a verry serious issue. Polygamy is a choice and a way of life for thousands of people worldwide. Strong heart that can allow your husband to marry because If u n ur husband doing poligamy, at least u save and protect woman and u bcme asbab heedayah to those around you nd Allah gv reward for u, that very very glamours that every malakikat / angel didnt know what reward that Allah gv to woman accept poligamy. Let us know. My husband says its ok. ... My wife and I have been married for nearly 20 ... just as I told her that it would be way beyond what I can and am willing to accept. A few days ago i noticed an e-mail he had recieved from a muslim marriage agency with his registration details on, curiosity got the better of me so i logged onto his profile. His children's needs and wants, his parents', even those of his ex-wife, seemed to come before her own needs and wants in just about every area of their married life. barakallahu to u n ur family. I know this will not get posted. Even the society around us which claims to be monogamous is not so. ", My Muslim sister I ask you to pray to Allah to help Re: My Husband Married Another Woman Secretly and Expects Me to Accept it. She should consult a local alim and if need be, declare shahadah again and do the Nikah again, May Allah protect us from falling in to kufr, knowingly or unknowingly, Assalam Aleykum” Allah (sw) says in quran ” muumin cant My husband has three adult children, ages 28, 25, and 24. Islam is for the whole world. I am a professional, Our marriage was with not an arranged one but due to our love for one another. Also submit your feedback on the new website here. You are one of the 826,000 women who become second wives each year. Allowing him to marry is like fighting jihad. Follow Shaykh Abdul Raheem (hafizahullah). Furthermore, even in this world we see that men are naturally stronger than women. Now I know all women want that…there’s a price for the Eternal bliss. My Husband Doesn’t. But I am not convinced. I make sincere dua to Allah that he guides me and us all. At the end of the day you will be rewarded for your patience. One of my best friend converted to Islam and she left her husband because he was not a Muslim. At times she has felt that she was "second" to everyone in her new husband's family. I'm actually in the same position. Question - (14 September 2017) : 8 Answers - (Newest, 12 December 2017): A female age 30-35, *enetl writes: i want my husband to share me. I can’t believe he has asked me … Why did I let my husband merry a another wife We are a happy couple and have a beautiful family life. So it’s just the thought that we are monogamous, the reality is somewhat different. clearly if you look in the quran it states that a man is allowed to marry 1,2,3 or 4 women at one time as long as justness is given to them according to the law of the shariah, now in regards to him doing it behind your back or being upfront is something that the scholars of islam have differed about but clearly there is no evidence from the quran or sunnah to say that it is not allowed, as to you refusing and saying that you will not allow this or will divorce him then this is not a valid a condition of divorce in islam why? MUSLIM WOMEN ALWAYS have to sacrifice to please their men. Photo: Sam Edwards/Caiaimage/Getty Images. It’s got nothing to do with being programmed. My husband and I dated in high school and reconnected after my previous husband died of cancer. The jealousy peaked when the second round of pregnancy announcements started to roll in. i am a married woman and i have two beautiful daughters (mashallah). Some time when my husband is not around my co wife thank you card give piece to my heart . sis, i really respect and appreciate that u share ur problem to good person who understand about religion. Who will be classed as the father? And there is not much we can do to control that. Also, the wife has a right to know the details of her husband’s salary, as per a 2018 ruling by the Madhya Pradesh High Court. My wife wants me to have an affair with her best friend. I Want a Second Baby. I understand it is permissible. He's in debt and he takes a second wife? He gives 50% of every dime he makes to her. First what u must do is to make sure that his intension is correct and bcos of seeking pleasure of Allah n Rasullullah, not bcs only passion. This is where an individual has more than one spouse and everyone is in agreement. Even superstars and men in the public eye can’t stay away from other women. I questioned my husband and he said he would like to get a second wife. A letter to … my husband, who simply stopped loving me The letter you always wanted to write ‘I want to scream: “Where is the man I fell in love with?”’. Islamically your not obliged to hand over any of your wealth to your husband. One day my brother told me that someone he knew is looking for a wife hörbücher gratis downloaden schweiz. I don’t know what to say but first tell him to talk to someone who has had experience with a second wife. Thereafter if he insists, then be patient, don’t argue but try to win him over. “I don’t really want another wife,” he protested. But I am not convinced. You maybe a professional in your field, but it seems that you have very little knowledge of your Deen. By Abigail Rasminsky. As from my side, all I can is that the first half of your letter is worthy of consideration that ‘this is becoming a fashion’. Their women have sleepless nights when their husbands are out late at night. Also during old age women tend to develop their own circle of friends within the neighbourhood. We don’t want it to become a fashion, especially where rights are violated and responsibilities are neglected. When Prophet Mohammed(sa) married with his wife every wife learn a lot from him. my husband wants a second wife i can’t understand this. however one of your rights is to seek provisions from your husband .e.g. We have to explain that there is no harm in sharing and caring for one another. I understand it is permissible. My husband is an imam and an Islamic scholar in the masjid . They choose the … And I am only getting angry for the sake of Allah and I am trying to defend Allah. I have in the past supported him with his business financially selling my gold and handing over all my savings and i feel i have been used. She is very friendly and lonely. I would want to know if he has a second wife and work out a schedule but I would not want to live with her, raise her children, be her best friend. This has since caused a lot of hurt and anger. Guess Who? he has in the past mentioned a second wife and i have always been clear that the other woman would be his only wife as i feel he could never treat us equally. Question: I am a Muslim woman and I will soon be getting married. My husband is as much a second husband as I’m a second wife. We exchange gifts and dishes. I learned Arabic and Islamic study also.9 years ago a convert lady called our masjid because she wanted to learn about Islam from then I started teaching convert Muslim ladies. Refuse what Allah nrasuull’s statement so plz my dia cster be whatch ur words other wise u wl get in to kufr, wht u need to do is to pray to the Allah to gv u subra and ask Allah to check on the coming marriage if it has blessings i am a married woman and i have two beautiful daughters (mashallah). But how different the circumstances. He travels for a living and I get to see him every other weekend. Please, can someone help with this? Dear sister. She had cheated on her husband, very briefly, with her boss. And I want A CRYSTAL CLEAR DIVORCE. She says: “My husband told me that he wants more children after I ceased being able to get pregnant due to my age. If a woman gets married to four men and delivers a child, to whom will the child be related? hope u can follow Rasulullah very well n we will meet Him in the paradise.amiin. because allah the all mighty and wise has allowed this so to reject this is stating that allah has made mistakes or been unjust hin his deen and that clearly can never happen, what is happening here sister is that you have been taken by shock and clearly is reason of that this practice in islam has been abandoned or left astray....so the muslim population today does not deem it realistic, but regardless of that islam approves os it and allows it.....sister do not be hasty, relax and take time out to talk to your husband and understand that allah will not burden a soul more then its capability may allah make it easy for you. Remember he does not want to have a second wife because there is something wrong with you, rather it’s just his desire to do so. She asked him to divorce her if he takes a second wife My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. Page Broken? Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife. How can we move forward. He has a burial plot with a combined tombstone with his late wife’s name, etc. Also they have children and grandchildren to look after and they pay less attention to their husbands. Would you like him to Fornicate, sleep with prostitutes and bring you diseases? he also also began practising salafism from around six months ago. but due to my lack of knowledge about salafism i do not know whether this is a link. but u must gv understand to ur husband to be fair n try to lead u all wth religion based. We all go out together with her kids and mine. Maybe someone who is in this type of marriage can inform us of their experience. Yes I cannot say it was easy for me to someone merry my best man but I did it for Allah so Allah made it easy for me. Ill say as you have his passwords delete all the messages he receives " simple. I really understand how u r feeling. I will definitely post your objection and seek help from our respected sisters to send in their observations from a sister’s point of view. My husband has proposed to other woman and also has a profile saying he wants another wife. I pray that we may continue our friendship as we are sister in Islam. I work full time and pay the majority of the bills. I have never known anyone to be as kind, selfless and strong as you. They mix with their sahelees. My husband is a scholar and very educated man , he knows the rulings and he is practicing. please guide me with advice from a islamic perspective as i am emotianally desperate and i feel it is affecting my capabilities as a mother, wife and woman. Now the husband needs some attention too, so if he had the financial means and he was healthy and he was a muttaqi, ie god fearing person, and he would treat both wives with justice, and thus he did get a second wife, then what is wrong with that? Is it true? Therefore, It is necessary that before a husband takes a step towards his second marriage that he tells his first wife about this decision and then she is free to choose if she will accept and continue life with him or not. Example: several years ago my husband had to travel for business and said that he’d be missing my 40th birthday. Your husband must have a good reason to married again bcs to save n protect woman and do sunnah rasulullah. One man can handle a few women but one woman cannot handle a few men. You are like that child who refuses to share it’s toys with it’s siblings. But now we have our days and nights. Anxious second wives take note: the secretive texting and furtive calls your husband makes are far more likely to be to his children than his ex-wife or any other woman. (Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. Q845: Can a 15 year old girl play with a 12 year old boy. Would you tell him to spend his nights in a sleepless state full of frustration? The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? Words cannot express how much your selfless acts have affected myself and my children. I wouldn't give a penny of my savings to my husband. Jazakallah Shaykh for clearing up this issue. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor). From that I thought if my husband will ever ask me to merry another lady I will never stop him. Whatever your agreements with your husband, they are personal and you have every right to make those agreements among yourselves. That goes for everybody entering Jannah not just women. She tried so many other Muslim men to merry her but it never happened so she again started to leave with her husband and she stop practicing Islam. Can you perhaps tell me how things worked out for you? A person will not be able to enter Jannah unless and until he/she has a clean, purified heart. To understand that issue and know that Allah allowed Alhamdulilah I have a good profession and I will not be hurt emotionally, socially nor physically by any man !! money food clothing. But at least I hope one sensible alim reads it. on it and his name and DOB on it. My husband says its ok. I am well pleased to know that u are a professional with your own means of income. bcs at now, woman in the world compare wth man are 1: 12. They keep thinking who will he be sleeping with tonight and what if he brings some disease from her and affects me with it. It’s pure jealousy from the ladies side. Some ahaadeeth say “Each one of them will have two wives from al huurul een” others state that “A shaheed will be wedded with seventy two from al huurul een”. i am an independent, educated woman but i have always seen my husband and my children as my first priority. Rather, This thought of sticking to one love is the one which has been programmed in the brain by those who hate Islam. I am so hurt by the suggestion. This has since caused a lot of hurt and anger. Its not over ’til the Trumpet is Blown – Sin and Repentance in Islam, The Sin of Fornication and Adultery – Part 1, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication – Part 2, The Sin of Adultery and Fornication – Part 3. sister 1st and foremost you most educate your self on the rights of a man towards marring 2nd or 3rd etc.... wife wand what the authentic quran and prohetic sunnah(teachings of the prophet) is it permissible is it not permissible? I am my husband's second wife, and to him that apparently means second best. My husband asked me and we both met in my house. It’s with his ex wife. THISIS becoming a fashion now especially when our women grow old and have cared for their children. An interesting editorial I read today regarding polygamy and divorce among muslims in India: http://dawn.com/2012/07/06/rigidity-of-ulema/. If he has intension bcs Allah n Rasul, u must support him, bcs everything from Allah n Rasul get bleesing from Allah n Allah will help u n him to be sakeenah mawadah warahmah. They got married after a month. It’s the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. I sacrifice and sacrifice, all for nothing. i am opposed to this because i am able to have children, i am not physically ill and as far as possible i give him all his rights. If we cleanse it here in this world, ie die with a clean pious heart we will be admitted straight into Jannah inshallah, otherwise we will have to cleanse it before we are allowed in. so, i think there is no excuse to didnt accept poligamy. i dont know if his sudden wealth gain is linked to this beahviour. There are many men out there who have a secret affair and keep committing zina and get affected by diseases and bring those diseases into the home. your husband is the maintainer and the protector. pologamy is allowed in islam we all know thats why when a women married she doesn't have to pay her husband any dowry or hand over anything she owns. A man’s sexual drive is much stronger than most women’s. I pray you can help me. My second question regards polygamy. Hadhrat jee, i’m so angry reading the first response where the woman attacks Allah’s perfect way of his creation saying that woman are programmed….crystal clear divorce, Allahu akbar. You must know that I have given birth to eight children – five boys and three girls.” Another first wife, `A’ishah, says: “My husband was quite plain about his intentions to marry a second wife. I have been married for 17 years and have 4 children. In the hereafter to we will be made in to robots because men can have thousands of huurs. This is not cheating and certainly is not bigamy. what they will do? subhnaAllah. Don’t tell me that they could have a blood test or a DNA test etc as these are not available everywhere nor to everyone. We have been married for 18 years. Allah clearly states in there “If you fear you will not do justice, then one only” I lost my husband of 14.5 yrs to colon cancer in Nov. 2003, he lost his wife of 37 yrs to cancer in Sept. 2003. IslamicAnswers.com Staff Photo Gallery. Recently, I found marriage sites on our laptop. I want to save your Iman and the Iman of other Muslim sisters who are influenced by this notion of polygamy being something really bad. Ibnul Qayyim has stated that the narrations of multitude of huurs do not reach the category of Saheeh, and thus his research was that the Hadith of Bukhari and Muslim of two huurs is the most saheeh. you are feeling in this world. I was pretty sure I wanted at least one, but not 100% sure. The problem isn’t really with the adult children. Please excuse my harsh words, but this is the reality. With the same intention I always wanted to marry a scholar so I can learn from him. When a woman is on her period, or during her pregnancies, or after child birth, if the husband needs her during these times, what solution would you provide for him? Sister if your reading this please be careful with the laws of Allah and educate yourself and you’ll learn that if you live a patient and pious life and love your husband for the sake of Allah only and accept and neglect anything for the sake of Allah then when Allah makes you meet in Jannah, insha Allah, you will be made 70 time more beautiful than thehuurul een. But what men usually do is different. he stated that he was already 'happily' married but seeked a second wife, he did not lie about his daughters and said he felt he could financially support another woman. bcm Lesbian, zina, etc, many bad doing . Hadhrat doesn’t her attitude mean kufr which means her marriage is void and her husband is already haraam and vice versa which means zina and fornication in their relationship. But we will be brainwashed into accepting these huurs and will not be allowed our natural feelings of having one love entirely for ourselves . Alhamdulillah when I see my co wife and her kids, same happened to her family. 1 for man, and 12 for woman. The adversities thrust upon our union because of its second-wife status did seem overwhelming at times. Would you tell him to commit zina? I was told by an Asian Muslim woman that we Westerners have a problem with understanding the principle of sharing a husband. Can I request to add certain special conditions as part of my marriage contract to get a divorce should I face such a situation in the future? We have good friendship together. I recently received a somewhat heartbreaking email from a wife who told me that her marriage was over and it was all her fault. If u r woman who has care about Ummah of Rasullah, dawat , Fiqr ummah, u will accept poligamy wth ur pleasure. All women want to have one special husband to love only her entirely. U SEE sister even in the hereafter us women have to sacrifice for men. Would it not be better than having him commit zina? I have two adult sons, ages 24 & 26. I have clearly told my husband that if this case ever arises. So you would be rewarded for helping him avoid sin. I will NOT REMAIN IN THIS marriage. Especially when the matter of lineage of the child comes into contention. It seems you haven’t read the Quranic verse which allows polygamy. The thought that Allah will program us like that is so misleading, in fact should I say satanic, that it could lead to kufr. …. But my neighbor has told me that the word "second" seems appropriate to her situation. My husband and I have been married for several years now. I am so hurt by the suggestion. When I was younger, I thought I would want to be friends with a second wife but as I am older now, I would prefer to just enjoy my time with him. Last week my husband asked if he could have a second wife. They are heartless thereafter to break their hearts in pursue of their nafs. Before he got married I have hundreds of wrong thoughts that what will happened after that? By then my daughter was 2 and I was 37, but neither my husband nor I had broached the subject of a second child. Posted by s3 • July 22, 2009 • Printer-friendly. He was a good person, good akhlaq and very pious. My husband converted to Islam 7 years and I converted 4 years ago. I’m a 56 year old second wife. She said that she really did not know what she was thinking at the time. Of course a child’s natural feelings will be to have all the toys for itself alone but that does not mean that those feelings are correct. According to my teachers, the first wife does not even have the right to give consent to her husband if he wants to marry another wife as long as he treats her justly. Polygamy is only something permissible in the eyes of shariah, and it is also for those who are in need of it. He has become extremely successful in the past year and has his own business. When I told my husband that I’d already spoken to two women for the position of ‘perfect Arab wife,’ I laughed at his expression of shock. No shareef woman would want multiple men sleeping with her. He insists he wants to be buried next to her as she was “his first love”. can u imagine if 1 man merid wth 1 woman how about 11 woman? i have had this desire for a long time. That this is why you won’t feel that jealousy etc. May Allah grant you help and sabr. I learned a lot from my husband and I stop doing all haram. How can we move forward. 10 months ago someone asked my husband that if he can merry a divorce, new convert lady with 2 kids. Salam. “Our Second Marriage Works Because…” Our “second” marriage works because we want it to work. Men to marry other women and you ask Him to give you a He puts his children, ex-wife, and parents above me. i am experiencing a great dilemma at the moment as my husband wishes to take a second wife. So stop being childish and stop accusing Allah of allowing something which you feel should be prohibited. I do not understand this but he feels it is an islamic obligation for him to do this. Im amazed with his smartness. Last week my husband asked if he could have a second wife. Every lady has her own story about how her life changed after conversation. This is important because the quantum of salary will provide clarity to the wife about how much money she can have for household and personal expenses. Please advise me please. After that 7 ladies were coming to learn about Islam. Its 2 years down the line and I still can't get past this? Sister He wasn’t sure he wanted kids when we first started dating, but by the time we got married he said he thought he would probably agree to them at some point. Answer: Yes you can. Q 837: I'll masturbate now and do tawba later! We will not have our natural feelings we had in this world. sorry hadhrat jee if I’m getting too ahead of myself… im just trying to understand from what I learnt from the effects of kufr..please correct me if I’m wrong. then u will save and u will be happy if ur basis are religion Allah n Rasulullah. “We will remove whatever amount of MALICE they had in their hearts”. What My Happily Married Husband Wants In His Second Wife 03/23/2016 06:15 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017 Last night, my high school sweetheart and husband of 32 years, asked me … Muhadditheen have debated this issue of the day you will be brainwashed into accepting making. The fallout from your husband ’ s love for one another has been programmed in the.! Word `` second '' to everyone in her new husband 's family would n't give a penny of my to... Plat form to solve a verry serious issue word `` second '' appropriate. Also submit your feedback on the new website here Lesbian, zina, etc, many bad doing another. 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